silversword’s Neighborhood

I wish I was dead sometimes. so my parents wont have to worry about what I'm going to do with my life or them having to look after me until I'm married off and shipped somewhere they can never reach, or having to put up with my disgraceful shenanigans. they would no longer have to be embarrassed by being asked the question " what is your daughter doing now?".  My brother can get my camera and my sister can have all my bags, bracelets and make up ( I cant say clothes because my clothes arent that nice ). I'd make prints of my favourite photographs and sell them, every single sent to charity. I'd donate any organs needed and even my ( lacklustre, omgaswh)  hair.

I dont think I have to wish it, since A levels would be the death of me.

I'm not being emotional, I just always feel shattered when I'm reminded of how much of a burden I am to my folks, and how all of us siblings are somewhat disappointments. None of us earn 10k a month, we dont have the nice cars , we dont score the earth-shattering grades. If me not being around would make my folks' life easier, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I probably wouldnt have raced so hard to reach that darn ovum if I knew my existence was nothing but an accident that's become an annoying splinter burried deep in my parents' skin

Notebooks slipping from my hands while buying printers and A4 papers (ala pebbles dropped by hansel and gretel), enrolment booklets doing magic acts of disappearing and reappearing, water tumblers playing hide and seek, and splashing canned sardine sauces all over cream walls.

Yep.

The semester has begun.

And it seems to be that the scatterbrainiac (actually just scatterbrain, the brainiac character's existence has yet to be determined) so essential to my young self has decided to make an appearance in my late teenage years. A groan is on cue right about now. Mad expressions, the hair loss due to extensive pulling, and the likes.

But ah calm is near reach nowadays, prayers and with a little of the boy's smile to cool me down =)

I need new music, so please do be kind and list down some suggestions =D

I have 5 days of puasa left to replace, and 1 nazar to be done immediately.

I don't like it that when I want to blog about my 1st weeks in my degree there is a big-boobed woman standing next to my compose box. Die fecking woman-degrading game ads, die!

I find it strange that I am more entertaining when I'm cripplingly depressed.

But then again the sardonic hatred for humanity and the funny reflexes only emerge when I am not happy. Gah. Writers aren't allowed to be happy now, are they?

When I look back at the happy bubbly entries I've written, I literally feel my blood rush up to my cheeks and my insides shrivel to curled meat pieces.

thinking about making this whole blog "neighborhood only"

but then again, I know there's a few of you from high school who still visit to check if I'm still alive. Especially those who don't know my tumblr url.
decisions decisions.

Just don't cancel plans on me last minute, bitch

who wants to rock climbing wimme once my exams are over!
kamon kids!

2 weeks till my last paper!

Aite. I'm quite the tear addict, aren't I?

I watched P.S. I Love You and cried an amazon.

Sheesh.

... to my rather jittery, stumbly foundation to tertiary education.

Remember the tears and wailing when I didn't get to go overseas? I can laugh now. Allah knows best, He does. He made me stay so I could learn a few things about myself. And through this time of personal growth, I am able to make the change. The hardened core of my previously frigid self has melted into pure uncontaminated water and it now flows through my body with the sense of well-being one gets from deriving pleasure by always seeking acceptance in Allah's will.

I am going to wake up at 6.30am, bathe and hopefully do prayers, and then I shall take my exam docket and stationery in their transparent casing, handbag, water, and silence my phone (figuratively haha), and go downstairs to meet the Rainman and have breakfast at the cafe. I am going to smile at him because I know that will get the ever-natural-happiness-inducing endorphins swimming through my bloodstream like dolphins on crack xD We will give words of support to each other and remind ourselves that we've done very well in class with dissecting our theme studies and analysing our characters, with the help of our deviously deviant but actually softhearted lecturer, Ms Angela.

I will remember how I always give original answers and I will not succumb to giving cookie cutter answers ^_^

One hour for comprehension and one hour for the Family-themed essay. Just enough for kick arse originality and marvelous angles to ordinary questions. No bamboozlement.

I will analyse the questions carefully to detect what they want, identify the key words crucial to shaping my sentences, and calmly construct a logical skeleton answer for my essay. My characters will be written with justification and evidence will be elaborated with clarity, in accordance to the text.

And then once the exam is over, I shall whoop with happiness and go to the cinema and watch Angels and Demons with the Rainman =D

Love you.
Night night.

What's the biggest disappointment you've suffered?

gee ace fucking timing QotD.