first interview experience

Hm.. i don't wanna go on and on about how awful it went. I'll just say ... i didn't come out of the interview room smiling. I felt like strangling the debater who was in my group who basically hogged all the points and made my confidence drop to like negative something. But i think i wanted to strangle myself more. I was just so mad at myself after the interview.
Why did i let him get to me? i mean, so what if he's peringkat daerah debator and i haven't actually talked to anyone in 3 months? Why didn't i think harder and try and repeat his points but tweak them a little? Why did i let myself think i was gonna fail even before the interview was over? Why didn't i talk more? Why didn't i read aloud when i had the chance, to improve my pronounciation? Why did i let myself turn into a total introvert during the holidays? Why did i stalk this new band i love by spending hours pic, video and mp3 hunting instead of reading important stuff? Why didn't i read all those online newspapers and blogs earlier? Why was i so ignorant and only started rushing to ambik tahu about stuff going on in my own country only when i was going to the interview? How could i possibly think i was gonna ace this interview when i was so clear that i didn't prepare enough? I mean, why did i let myself to think that, just to increase my confidence, when the fact is i know the worst is just gonna happen?

All these questions just flooded my mind after the interview. And i really felt like the word "FAIL" was stamped on my forehead. Agh! the paaaainnnn!!

But, i'll definitely learn from this. I'll pay attention more and talk more even if there's no one to talk to. I'll visit recom.org more and read up on all those curent issues and the discussions and get an opinion of my own. I'll read more of those interesting blogs, which are quite funny. I visited this one blog and actually fell for  the blogger's april fool prank! He  posted that he was gonna quit blogging forever, stated all his reasons and i was all 'No!! your blog is so interesting!  Most of your posts make me laugh. Aw.. don't quit ... !"  Eventhough he hinted at the end of the post saying 'Wait, what's today's date again?' I didn't realize at all until he revealed the truth in the next post. Yaargh. I totally lol-ed after that.

And, i guess, if i don't get Kejuruteraan Jepun under the jpa scholarship, i'm sure i have something else in store for me. I'll continue learning japanese on my own just because it's fun and i love 'sorta understanding' when watching unsubbed animes on animax. And i won't stop praying. If i get it, i get it and be thankful to God. If not, i'll be thankful to God because there must be hikmah behind all of it. It's not the end of the world. Nyeh, this awful experience taught me a lot.

Okaaay. I guess i shouldn't leave this part out. Actually before the interview, i had fun making friends. Some of the names i remember are Darren (from Sandakan, friendly, first person i spoke to, currently in private college), Victoria (Was in top 3 of her school, already in private college), Ratna (also applied for japan engineering), Chua (also already in private college), Anderson (who flew all the way from KL. He's in Taylor's college, already under a scholarship, but he still wants jpa scholarship), and this guy (can't remember his name) from plkn. He's actually from Kluang but he was sent to Sabah for plkn. He applied for pharmacy. Turned out I was in one group with plkn guy, Victoria and 4 other guys i didn't get to speak to first because they sat at another table. The topic was 'what does a healthy lifestyle mean to you, and suggest ways to live a healthy lifestyle as a student studying overseas' Kacang, right? I thought so too. But when the debator, i think his name was Hakim, volunteered to speak first, he went on and on and on and said all the points. Then when the interviewer asked who wanted to speak next, i volunteered thinking it would make me look brave or sumthin. Then when i looked at the notes i had, turns out most of them had already been said by Hakim. Then i blanked and said the 2 points he haven't said and ended it with a very unneat "....that's all, thank you". I was trembling and it was sooo cold in the room! Aih, i guess i shouldn't have volunteered to speak second. After the interview he was all "that was such a fun interview!" and i thought "Yeah, for you. stfu already!! I can't stand you!"  Haha ... now i'm not that angsty anymore laa.