hi! hi!

Okey, I haven't had any public entries for a while now. I can't really say i haven't been blogging because actually these past few days i did type some stuff but saved it as private because they were just emotional stuff that i wanted to get out of my system but want to keep secret. But now i feel like blogging and rambling and going typedy-type-type again about what's going on with me at the moment. Though maybe not so frequent.

Since ... i think mid last year i felt like blogging wasn't as fun as it used to be and i'm not as excited as i was when i used to blog at friendster (most of my entries there were pretty spontaneous, happy-happy joy-joy and i used to blog everyday, kan?). But then i started feeling like blogging is so hard. I can't get the right words or think of anything good to type about. When i typed i couldn't get the feeling quite right. Then i just ended up typing super-long entries that felt dead, made no sense and had grammar mistakes all over them (argh! no! my English has corroded...) So i just stopped altogether and decided to continue later when there's really something i can blog about and not get all uneasy about it.

But now i think i'll stop thinking so much and type whenever i feel like it. 

I'm home alone and have been home alone since last month. Agh, it sucks not having my sis around. I miss her nagging and her cooking (especially her super delicious lasagna..! ). Yeah, so when we Skype she nags me, but it's different from being nagged face to face, ya know. She's at auckland taking pics with sheep and singing 'the hills are alive with the sound of music ~!!' The view there is really pretty, no lalang anywhere. And she likes taking walks and going shopping (she said the shirts there are cheap)

While i'm here at home alone. My parents go to work early in the morning and i usually go back to sleep after that. Yeah, i shouldn't go back to sleep after subuh but i can't help it. And my eyebags are huge. Then even when my parents come home my mouth suddenly feels so heavy and i just want to keep quiet, do all my chores like making tea, do the dishes then i just want to go to my room or watch tv quietly or something that doesn't require talking. I'm not avoiding them or anything. I know they're not in the chatty mood either, when they come home from work. But I know i really should talk more because i'm starting to become really quiet even my cousin said ' asal diam je hari ni?' When she met me. 

Gotta talk more, even if i have to talk to myself and start getting good info into my brain. Or else i'll totally become a quiet boring zombie forever. I gotta start using my brain and not let it turn into mush. I remember the saying 'The brain is like a muscle, use it or lose it' (did i get that right?) No... i don't wanna lose my brain!! I gotta get a hobby and distract myself cause i realized that only when i'm bored i feel that i'm hopeless or doomed or dull or hollow.

Ok, i'll go start right after a short nap. ngantuk gilak oh ...